The past in the present
by AhhLii
Summary: Kendall Knight has a secret which he has been hiding. How will his friends & family react to a phone call which will change their lives forever?
1. Chapter 1

**why hello there!**  
><strong>thank you for clicking on this story!<strong>  
><strong>as it's my first I'm not expecting thousands of reviews, but if you did, it would mean a lot!<strong>  
><strong> I'm unsure whether to continue with this story, so please tell me your thoughts!<strong>  
><strong>thank you!<strong>  
><strong>:3<strong>  
><strong>x<strong>

**also I DO NOT OWN BIG TIME RUSH. I AM A FANGIRL USING THEIR NAMES FOR A STORY!**

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><p>Every family has secrets. Whether they're big, small, or just awkward, everyone hides something. Like James doesn't like people to know about the trouble some of his family gets into on a daily basis, so his parents changed their surname so he wouldn't have to be feared at school as 'the kid with the mafia family'. Or like Logan doesn't like to openly talk about the pain he and his parents suffer, knowing his life may be changed forever due to the choices they make about their future, and where they are in the world. Or even Carlos, who seems to be so full of life, but when he's at home, he's a quiet boy, who's afraid of what his extended family will think of him after hearing that he's a 'disgrace to the family' when he was 9, after attempting to climb a lamp post for 4 hours, to attach some rope on to do a stunt which no one knows to this day, apart from his sister. Even though I'm the protector, and the leader in the group, I still had a weakness. Like Superman has his kryptonite. Except you can't see my kryptonite is in my mind. It's a memory. A memory which altered my life forever ...<p>

It was a Monday. The Monday which changed it all. At this point, I was around 3 years old. I wasn't asking for trouble. But something wasn't right.  
>I remember the feeling ...<br>The feeling when I saw my baby sister, and the look of disappointment on my father's face when he held her for the first time ...  
>I don't even know if I could call him my father ... lets just call him 'the man' for now ... he's never been there for me ... or anyone for that matter ...<br>I remember it being very late at night ... I remember the screams which echoed through the house as my mom and the man thought I was asleep.  
>I can't remember his voice, I just remember the tone. the anger. the emotion.<br>I can still feel the cold tears streaming from my red eyes.  
>How could my life be falling apart?<br>I can still remember the shudder which crept over room as I sat on the stairs, out of sight, as the man was dressed in a long coat, and slammed the door shut.  
>That's the last I've seen of him.<p>

13 years later, my baby sisters grown up, I've grown taller, & my Mom is the best in the world. Over the last 3 months, me and my 3 best friends, my Mom & my not-so-little sister had moved to LA, we had got the opportunity of a lifetime ... We was being turned into a band. A band with hopes, and dreams  
>A band of friends, best friends ... I'd even go as far as to saying we are like brothers. except these brothers had no idea about the phone call I'd received last week &amp; how painful it was ...<p>

The man ... my father ... he's found us ...  
>The pain still hurt as I shuddered in bed, trying to protect myself in the warm surroundings as if I was that 3 year old boy again, trying to pretend like nothings happened when in reality my life has been turned upside down.<br>My name was Kendall Knight ... and I wanted to feel safe again.

I could feel tears beginning to form in my green eyes, ready to spill out & stain my cheeks, leaving my eyes red, and bloodshot.  
><em>Does he have any idea how I feel?<br>Does he know who I am?  
>Has he changed?<em>

_Why did he leave?_

_Does he realize what an affect he's had on my baby sister's life?_

these were all of the thoughts that was racing through my head. They had to escape somehow one day, but today was _not_ the day.

Today was my Mom's birthday. I knew we had to do something special seeing as she's been supporting me, my brothers and baby sister for the last 3 months ... most people wouldn't be able to cope with us for a week, let alone 12! We all really owed her ... but I knew all she wanted was to be loved again ... like the man dad ... but he was out of the picture until the phone call.  
><em>should I tell her? ... no I can't tell her, not today at least ... should I give it another week? ... I don't want to worry anyone, but his threat sounded serious ... I'm sure it was just someone joking .. yeah it was ...<em>

I forced my eyes open, as the sun began to rise glaring into my eyes through the curtains. Although I loved LA, the sun was something I still wasn't used to! I shut my eyes again, and moved my head towards the little glowing alarm clock next to my bed. I forced my right eye open to look at the time. It was 6:55, which means I have 5 minutes of peace left before Carlos comes leaping around the room. That boy loves birthdays! I only wish I could be excited, but I'm dreading my Mom finding out ... I don't want to make her feel like he made her feel ... all the pain she suffered just for us ...


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey!**  
><strong>So I got one review today! (wahoooo!)<strong>  
><strong>It's not much, but I thought I might as well write another chapter, even if it's just one person who wants to read it!<strong>  
><strong>so ... I hope you enjoy!:Dx <strong>

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><p>I could hear the sound of a door slowly creaking open, and the sound of footsteps, attempting to tiptoe across the wooden floor which ran throughout the whole apartment. I guessed it was Carlos. I took a quick glance at the glowing green numbers beside my bed. They read 6:57. He was early. Something mustn't be right, unless he's planning something (which he does most years, yet gives up the night before at the stupidity of the stunt in which he was going to perform for the birthday boy or girl as if he was part of a travelling circus).<p>

As I heard the door creak open, I shut my eyes again, savouring the rest which I would need for the long day ahead. I may not be sleeping, but at least Carlos was quiet when he thought I was! I didn't want him to wake Logan, who lay in a bed parallel to mine on the other side of the room. As I heard the door close quietly, and I could feel the vibrations through the bed as Carlos moved nearer and nearer towards my bed. It's almost as if he was 50 foot high, and looking right down at me. This was unusual, as Carlos is the shortest member of the group of four friends, so Carlos is usually slightly looking up at everyone else. 'Kendalllll' Carlos whispered into my ear. I didn't respond. _'Let's see how long I can play this out for ..._' I thought, whilst trying to hide the smirk on my face, proving that I was asleep. 'Kendalll' Carlos whispered, but a bit louder this time. 'Kendall.' Carlos spoke, in his familiar tone. 'Kendall!' Carlos loudly whispered, whilst hitting me on my head. 'Owwww!' I exclaimed, whilst moving my hand up to forehead, 'Why'd you hit me!'. 'Kendall, something's wrong.' he began, with a guilty look smeared across his face. 'What's happened?' I questioned. Carlos looked down and gulped 'I never meant to ... honestly. It was in the living room, and I didn't know what to do, and it kept going off and -' 'Carlos!' I broke in 'Just tell me what's happened ... but from the start'. Carlos perched on the end of my bed, and began telling me the tail ...

'It all started last night ...' Carlos murmured 'It was around 1am, and I was alone playing Call of Duty, and I could hear this buzzing noise. I put the game on pause, and searched around the room and then ... and then ...' 'and then!' I added, trying to get the story out of the Latino boy. 'and then I found your phone ... it was ringing' he sighed 'I answered it ... and it was a man ... he sounded mad ... he was talking about you, and your sister ... and some things about your Mom I don't want to repeat ...' he looked into my eyes, his all glossy as if he was about to cry, but I could feel my heart racing in my chest. I knew who this 'man' was. 'He told me he was coming round today.' Carlos cried, looking directly at me. My eyes widened. _'Why today?'_

Possible excuses flew through my head at a rapid pace, all trying to grab my attention. _'Tell him it's an imposter!' 'Tell Carlos it was you as a joke!' 'Tell the boy there's something wrong with your phone and it's happened before!'_  
>I knew none of these would work. He doesn't seem it, but Carlos is actually pretty smart when it comes to how his friends react. The boy stared at me, concerned, waiting for my all important answer. 'Well?' He asked concernedly. I flicked through possible lines I could come back with, I found one. one which was believable too! 'Carlos ... it's a recording on my phone!' I exclaimed, trying to fake a smile and laugh slightly, 'It was a joke I had with some guy ages ago, and he planted creepy things on my phone to go off at random times as a call!' ... now that I had said this a loud, it didn't sound believable. Not one bit. <em>'Please buy it, please buy it, ppllleeaasseee bbuuyy iiitt'<em> I thought, whilst faking a smile at Carlos. He looked at me motionless for a second, but then after much thought he eventually broke into a contagious smile. _'He bought it'_. 'So I didn't do anything wrong by answering it?' he questioned. 'Noooo!' I replied smiling back. 'Are you sure it wasn't real?' Carlos went on, 'because it seemed to real!'. 'Yes Carlos' I laughed ' I'm sure it's not real!'. I tensed up, and my smile drooped a little 'but don't mention it to anyone.' I continued. Carlos smiled back, and nodded his head, then practically skipped across the room and removed the pillow from underneath Logan's head and began to run. Logan's eyes shot open, and stared at the boy practically flying out of the room. 'Give me back my PILLOOOOOOWWWWWWW!' Logan exclaimed, whilst jumping out of bed, chasing the smaller boy.

Left the room, a laughed a little, but reality dawned on me. The man was visiting. Today. I don't know where, or when, but I know he will ruin this birthday for my Mom just like he did 13 years ago ...

I sunk back into my bed, and tried to dream the pain which was about to occur away ...  
>just for a few minutes <em>at least<em> ...

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><p><strong>I'd like your thoughts, opinions, anything!<strong>  
><strong>tell me what you'd like to happen  when I should introduce more characters!**  
><strong>Also give me partypresent ideas for Mrs Knight!:D**  
><strong>I'd appreciate it if you took the time to review it, but if you got this far, then I love you just the same!3<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey!**  
><strong>No one exactly asked for this chapter, but I felt like writing it, so here it is!<strong>  
><strong>it took me a while to write it, and I don't think it's perfect, but what is?<strong>  
><strong>Enjoy 3<strong>

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><p>As soon as I was in dreamland, I could hear faint sounds coming from reality. I could feel myself being dragged into the real world, and being taken from the place where I felt safe, and the only thing that could hurt me was my imagination. 'Kendall ... Keeennndddaaallllllll ... KENDALL.' The echoes of my name grew louder and louder, bellowing through my ears until my eyes peered open and my face was greeted with a pillow being thrown at my face. 'UUrrggghhhhh.' I moaned as the pillow bounced off my face, and onto the floor 'go awaayyy.'. 'Dude. Get up.' The familiar voice responded bluntly. As my eyes slowly opened, I saw James staring at me, with his arms crossed with a look on his face which said 'If you don't get up, I will hurt you.' I sighed as I sat upright in my bed, and moved my legs so my feet was touching the cold, hard floor. 'Good' James grinned, 'you're up! now help us set up for your Mom's party!'. <em>'Mom's party?'<em> I thought, whilst staring at James, 'The Party.' I exclaimed standing up and began searching my room, 'I forgot it was today!'. James looked at me 'I know' he said bluntly, 'but remember, don't mention it to her!' he spoke, leaving the room. When he go to the door, he turned around 'Also ... have you seen my extra supply of Cuda man spray?' the pretty boy questioned. 'James,' I laughed, 'you know what happened last time you used it!'. Just the though of his allergic reaction made me laugh, but i cared about him too much to mention it often. 'I know,' James Began, 'but there's a girl, and she's _really_ pretty, and- wait, why am I telling you? all you need to know is operation bandanna man 2.0, is a-go!' Before I knew it, James had waggled his fingers in front of his face, and was out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

As I paced around the room, between the two messy beds at opposite sides of the room, thoughts from this morning was flooding through my mind. Carlos knew. _'No he doesn't'_ My conscience laughed _'That guy is too thick to know what day it is, let alone what his best friends Dad did to him.' 'Hey!'_ I argued _'Carlos is smart, and nice, and unlike you, doesn't haunt me.' 'What ever_' my conscience answered _'but I'll be back quicker than he will.'_As soon as it was here, it was gone. Leaving me even more alone. Every other day of the year was hard, but birthdays was harder. Especially my fourth birthday ...

The feeling still lays inside me to this day.  
>The feeling of pain and misery.<br>The feeling of disappointment.

Word's can't describe how unprepared for this day I was. your 4th birthday is supposed to be fun, and full of happiness and joy. And yes, I did have fun, but it was from that day on that I never trusted the man ever again.  
>I remember the phone call from him I got a few days before this one, when he thought it was my birthday, and apologized for not being there.<br>Being a child I took everything he said literally & forgave him, and told him it was my birthday party in a few days & that he should come.  
>He accepted.<br>All day I waited for him to come.  
>I even took the phone around the house with me that day in case he rang and I missed it.<br>But still.  
>Nothing.<br>Not a phone call.  
>Not even really late at night.<br>I was heart broken, like any 4 year old would be ...

Ever since that day, I've never forgiven him. _'Why,'_I thought, 'Why did he choose today?'. I never liked to see anyone hurt, especially my Mom. for me, growing up consisted of finding out the truth about the first 3 years of my life. They may not be perfect, but they're mine. Listening to the story's my Mom told me when I was old enough to hear them made me appreciate everything she's ever done for me, my baby sister, and even my best friends. Now today, for her, I had to act like everything was okay.

I breathed in through my nose. I breathed out through my mouth. 'I'm fine.' I repeated, over, and over, until I believed it myself. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, and plastered a fake smile on my face. _'If I can get through today, I can get through anything.'_ I thought. Just before all of the pain in my mind crept back, a smile appeared at the door. 'Hey!' the lips spoke. As I turned around, it was Jo. I really really _really_ liked her, but she didn't know. 'Hey!' I replied, hiding the pain behind my eyes with the reflection of her joy which was beaming off her like light. She made me happy ... more happy than you could ever imagine. If she knew about my past, then she'd judge me, another reason why I need to hide what's happening today for a little longer. 'Are you ready?' she questioned, still smiling. 'Yeah, I'm so ready!' I replied. 'No but ... are you sure?' she asked, pointing her index finger at my clothes. I looked down. I was still in my pyjamas. 'Oh' I blushed' I'll be 5 minutes.' 'Okay!' she giggled, closing the door behind her.  
>Now I had to get ready.<br>Ready for one of the worst days of my life.

'You're Kendall Knight' I muttered, turning around and looking at my reflection in the mirror, 'and you can do this.' 

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><p><strong>Ahh!<strong>  
><strong>Do you like it?<strong>  
><strong>Did you like the little bit from his past?<strong>  
><strong>Have you worked out what his Dad's done yet?:D<strong>  
><strong>Please leave your responses to this chapter in a review or something!<strong>  
><strong>and once again, thanks for reading!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Heya!  
>I've got another review, and I thought I might <strong>**as well write another chapter seeing as I have nothing to do with my oh so boring life!**

**this one is mainly Kendall & Jo, with a few other characters thrown in!  
>I hope you enjoy it!<strong>

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><p>Moments later I shut the bedroom door behind me, to find a sea of heads of my friends, brothers, and a few odd members of my family, floating around the room. People of all different shapes, sizes, and ages had all gathered in our apartment to wish my Mom a happy birthday. My Mom was an amazing woman, so this was no surprise to me that she had so many people here. Even though there was so many people, the room was full of people it was seemingly quiet for the majority of the time I stood in the door frame, trying to figure out what people needed help with. 'Kendall!' a familiar and soothing voice called out my name. I searched through the crowd of people and saw Jo walking towards me, still with a smile as big as ever. Even through all of this pain and suffering, she calmed me down. My heart fluttered as she walked closer towards me. 'the guys have told me to go and get some stuff ... and apparently you have the list, want to go with me?' She smiled even more as her words filled the air, and rushed into my ears, making my smile reach my ears as I replied 'I'd love to!'. I scanned the room, and I could see James, Logan and Carlos all in different locations smiling at me. Even as annoying as they can be at times, I love them ... like any brother would.<p>

As we walked out of the door, I thought to myself _'should I do it now? should I tell her?'. _I mentally voted on 'later' seeing as it's my _Mom's_ day today, not mine. I need to put _her_ first. & I'm getting these things for my _Mom's_ party ... just with Jo. As we walked down the hallway and into the elevator it was silent ... I was surprised ... usually me and Jo talk, a lot, but now we was alone, it was so different! 'So' Jo broke the tension, as she pressed the button for 'lobby' displayed on elevator wall. 'So ...' I replied. 'are you okay?' she questioned 'you've seemed kind of distant recently ... I'm .. I'm worried about you.' _she_ was worried about _me_ ... _'I wonder if she felt the same way'_ I thought, looking at her concerned eyes staring into mine.

_Ping!_The elevator door slid open as we both turned our heads in sync revealing a busy lobby full of aspiring actors, singers, dancers, and then there was bitters. He was stood looking glum behind the counter, as per usual, as the hopeful teens bounced around the lobby, rehearsing for auditions, or learning the lines to their new script, he just seemed so ... alone. 'One minute, Jo,' I spoke, 'I think I need to do something.' 'Okay!' she replied, walking over to one of the chairs and sitting down, as I walked up to Bitters' desk.

'Hey!' I announced, as the upset man looked up from the paper work covering the front desk. 'What do you want Kendall?' he grunted, glaring at me. 'Look,' I admitted, 'we're not exactly the best of friends, but today is my Mom's birthday, and I was wondering if you'd care to join us all in a celebration?' I smiled. The grown man's eyes lit up 'well .. you know how I feel about party's, but yes, I'd love to!' He replied, smiling. 'But don't tell my Mom if you see her! o & it starts in 2 hours! so be at 2J then!' I quickly added, before retuning to Jo.

'You ready?' she asked, smiling again, peering up from the magazine in her hands. 'Yeah!' I replied. She stood up, and we both exited the palm woods together, and began to walk to the connivance store, which was a few minutes from the Palm Woods.

2 minutes into the journey, me and Jo was talking, having a real conversation that wasn't in my head. We was joking with each other, laughing about little things we do in our day to day lives, which until now has seemed normal. I was so happy! She was such a nice spirited person, funny , _and _she was pretty too ... everything was perfect!

'So you and Logan share a room?' she asked. 'Yeah!' I replied, smiling down into her eyes. 'So you let Carlos, the boy who likes to do stunts, share a room with James, who hates getting his hair messed up?' she questioned, seeing no logic in the situation. I laughed. I've never though of it like that! 'Well you see' I began 'If I don't share a room with Logan, He won't get any sleep if he shares with Carlos bec-' I was cut off by the sound of buzzing, and our song, 'big time rush'. 'Someone's popular' Jo exclaimed. I laughed slightly, and then proceeded to get the phone out of my pocket. I looked the screen as caller I.D flashed across it, eliminating the darkness which lay there a few seconds ago. I stared at the number. The name. My face dropped as a cold shiver went down my spine just thinking about him. I pressed the red shaped button which was once 'end call', but after living with Carlos for 3 months and his many stunts, his phone was soon broken and damaged. I looked back up at Jo as I put my phone back into my pocket, trying to act like everything was normal. Then again what _was_normal in my life? 'Why didn't you answer it?' she asked with a concerned tone through out her voice. 'It was nothing'. I replied bluntly, trying to hide the pain I was feeling. She stopped, yet I continued walking. 'Kendall!' she exclaimed, a lot louder than I would have expected from the small blonde girl. I turned around to face her. 'What's going on?' she uttered. My heart sank into my chest. What was I going to do?

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><p><strong>Ahhhhhhhhhh!<strong>

**CLIFF HHAANNGGGGEERRR!  
>Did you like this chapter?<strong>

**I'm sorry If there was too much Jendall love in it, but i couldn't help myself!  
>please give your commentsfeedback/ideas to me via the review section!  
>I'll try and post a lot more over the next few days as hopefully I'll have sports day, so I'll write a few chapters then on my iPod touch all day!:D<br>YAY FOR DEMOCRACY!  
>&amp; once again, thanks for reading! x<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so so so so so so so so sorry!**  
><strong>I've had writer's block (lame excuse, I know) &amp; I had to write short story for english!<strong>  
><strong>But thankfully, my summer offically starts tomorrow, so I should be updating more regularly!<strong>  
><strong>Now ... I hope you enjoy this chapter!<strong>

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><p>I froze. <em>'What could I tell her?'<em> I thought, whilst trying to think of excuses, but unlike Carlos, if I lied to her, she'd be gone forever. 'It's a long story' I muttered, whilst turning around, and proceeded walking to the store. 'I have time Kendall' she replied, quickly walking after me, and stepping in front of me, blocking my way. I could see the look in her eyes, just wanting to know what was wrong with me, but no matter how much it pained me to say this I couldn't tell her, I couldn't damage her with my past.

'_Please_ could we talk about this another day? _any_ other day? just _not_ today. I don't want to ruin my Mom's birthday.' I begged, trying to deflect the attention off my family's problems, and to my Mom, which_ is _ technically my family, but I want her to have a good birthday. Or at least _some_ of it to be good. 'Okay' she gave in, and her eyes widened as she looked up and stared deep into mine 'but this is for your Mom, _not_ for you. Got that?'. I nodded frantically, slightly smiling. Keeping it secret for just a few more hours! It's such a nice feeling over all of the pain and suffering I usually go though around this time of year.

My heart skipped a beat whilst we raided the local store for all of the food on the checklist. We'd been running around it for what felt like minutes, when in reality, we'd been an hour, and we needed to go. As we ran to the front of the store, laughing like kids, I was actually truly happy. I didn't have to worry about anything. It was so nice to be around someone who gets me, even if we didn't know the secret I was hiding, but that didn't matter.

30 minutes later, we was back into the apartment, with brown paper bags as tall as the ceiling. As we placed them on the counter, everyone swarmed around us, taking items out of the bag and running around the room, placing them where they needed to go. Before we knew it, they was empty, and the apartment looked perfect! Well, for my mom anyway! 'I think it's time!' Carlos quickly whispered, before running under the dining room table and clutching his helmet. I laughed as I took out my phone and texted my baby sister saying 'the nest is complete, start phase 2.'

'EVERYONE!' I bellowed, turning around to look at everyone who had shown up 'PHASE 2 IS IN PROGRESS! PLEASE PROPARE TO HIDE!'. everyone nodded frantically, and then started to talk between themselves, waiting for the all important text ...

5 minutes later, my phone bleeped and buzzed, it did everything to tell me someone was trying to tell me something. I picked it up, and read the text allowed for everyone to here 'IT'S TIME!'. Everyone cheered and quickly hurried around the room, searching for somewhere to hide, whilst tying to be as quiet as possible, not knowing where the strongest Knight of the family may be.

Seconds passed. Nothing. Minutes past. Still nothing. Everyone, eagerly staring at the door, waiting for the woman who they'd all come to see walk into the room. It was around mid-day by now, and it was too hot. Everyone wasn't used to this LA sunshine, even the boys after being here for 3 months. Everyone glared at the door. I looked to my left from behind the kitchen counter, to see Jo smiling at me, almost laughing at me being too warm in the climate she was so used to. I smiled slightly, and put my index finger over my lips to signal her to be quiet. What if my Mom was outside the door right now and could hear her? I don't want to ruin the surprise for her! it's taken me too long to organize this, and with all the distractions with the phone calls swell, it's too risky! Then the thought hit me like a train. He was visiting today. I panicked. 'What was I doing? she'll find out today. He'll be here today. Everything about to colla-' my thoughts was cut off by the sound of a key turning in the front door, unlocking it. Everyone turned to face the door, the excitement and determination of surprising her was enough to cut the tension in the room with a knife. Everyone knew what was coming. The door opened. A lady appeared.

'SUPRISE!' the crowd, my brothers, my friends, shouted standing up from various places, joined with my baby sister, stood behind her, with a smile on her face stretching from ear to ear. The lady was my Mom. She stood in the door way, as a smile appeared, followed by tears which was streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes scanned the room, noticing all of the familiar faces, and most of the people she had helped over her lifetime.

As I walked towards her smiling, she embraced me and my baby sister into a hug, repeating into our ears about how much she loved us both as she babbled and cooed between tears about our surprise for her, and how it was the best birthday surprise she could ever have gotten.

After 5 minutes of sobbing, our Mom emerged from our shoulders, and looked back at the people all staring at her, smiling. Her eyes then surveyed the room as her feet followed. Every time she looked at something else. her smile slowly got bigger and bigger, until she turned around to everyone again, and started talking to all of the people who lived in Minnesota, who she rarely got to see because of the big move, and catching up with them whilst they was all wishing her a happy birthday. She was also happy to see everyone who's usually at the palm woods in our apartment, even lightning the wonder dog (even though she said he's never allowed to come into our apartment, but the dog's smart, and who can look into his puppy dog eyes & tell him he can't come?). I looked to my left again, to find Jo stood next to me smiling. Her eyes glistened, and I felt her smooth hand touch mine. A giant smile crept onto my face.

Everything was perfect.

Everyone was having fun.

Everyone had no idea what was coming next.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the apartment door. It was so loud it almost shook the whole building. 'Come in!' my Mom happily yelled, as my palms began to sweat, knowing what would come next. 'why did it have to be now?' I thought, almost shaking at the idea, but not taking my eyes off the door.

A man walked into the room.

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><p><strong>wow ... I love tormenting you guys!<strong>  
><strong>Who do you think it's going to be?<strong>  
><strong>do you like this series?<strong>  
><strong>what do you think about the bit of Jendall love I've got goin on?<strong>  
><strong>Leave all of your comments in the review section!<strong>  
><strong>(Hopefully I should post a new chapter sooner!)<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh em gee**  
><strong>I'm sosososososoo sorry I've not posted in a while!<strong>  
><strong>I've been in so much painso busy filming youtube videos and various other tasks!**  
><strong>I should be post a lot more for the next 6 weeks seeing as it's SSUUMMMMMMEERRRRR! <strong>  
><strong>anyway, enough with my rambles an on with the story ... <strong>

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><p>He slammed the door shut behind him, as the sunlight hit his face, removing the dark shadows revealing a disgruntled Bitters. 'I'm sorry I'm late!' He apologized 'there was an incident in the lobby!'. My heart beat slowed down. I sighed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes briefly and looked down at Jo, who was still gripping onto my hand. 'Tell me later' she whispered, before turning back around, facing the crowd of people.<p>

As the day went on, everything was a success. Nothing was wrong. I forgot my troubles & I was surrounded by the love of my family and friends. Before I knew it, it was 6pm, and the party was still happening. Even though throughout the room, I could see so many people who has encountered great pain throughout their lives, no one cared. Everyone was here to celebrate, and be happy, even if it was such a short period of time, I knew this was something everyone would remember.

As I stood in the kitchen by the oven, admiring the view of smiling, happy, and fun-filled faces, a small boy approached me. 'Hello Kendall' He whispered dragging me down to his level. His blonde floppy hair fell in front of his green eyes, and reminded me of myself. I smiled slightly, looking down at my little cousin. 'Hey Shane! what's wrong?' I asked, slightly concerned. If there was one thing I knew about my cousin, it was that he was really shy, and he only spoke to me if he needed to. As he listened, he looked down at his sneakers, and then moving his toes in his shoes in sync with each other as he muttered 'it's so unfair, Kendall ..'. 'Shane?' I asked, except this time, I really was concerned. Very concerned. Even though he's shy, he'll tell you what's wrong quicker than a fly sticks to a lollypop. But this was different, it was almost as if he couldn't tell me ... like he was afraid.

'Shane?' I repeated, until his head arose and from under his blonde floppy mane of hair, his green eyes was now slightly bloodshot and red, as a tear silent fell down his cheek. 'Mommy sick' he sniffled, burying his head into my shoulder, as my arms wrapped around him. I know he's my cousin, and I know I've not seen him in awhile, but part of me felt like I did when ever I was little & I would see something hurt Katie, except this time I can't go and face up to the bullies who had said mean things about my sister. This is when reality hit me. Even though I had been though so much, too much in fact for someone my age, there are so many other people in the world who are facing many different problems, and a lot are more closer to home than you think.

Moments past, and the small boy unwound himself from my arms and looked into my eyes. His was glistening, and I knew I had to help him, despite what was happening in my life, I knew he was too young to be going through this. 'Don't worry' I advised 'I'm here for you ... where ever here is!'. The little boys lips curled slightly, showing an innocent smile 'Thank you, Kendall' he whispered, 'you're my favourite cousin'. A smile grew on my face, covering the pain underneath me, as the little boy ran away to his Mother across the room.

Then I snapped back into reality. My phone buzzed in my pocket, drawing me back to the pain. I shot up, my back hovering against the oven, which was turned off behind me. I slowly slid it out & stared at the call iD. A name wasn't displayed, but I knew the number. I knew it all too well. As the numbers ran through my mind, the conversations we had still ran through my mind. The angry tone of this voice. The threats he placed in my unforgiving mind. The pain he caused. The nights I spent as a child, watching my Mom cry. The days I spent growing up, as my baby sister asked 'Where's Daddy?' to my Mom. I hit the glowing red telephone on the right side of the keypad, telling my phone to ignore the call. Ignore the heartache. Ignore the pain. Ignore the memories. Ignore the childhood. Ignore the man.

I breathed in, and out repeatedly, similarly to how I did this morning, telling myself that I could deal with this even thought I really couldn't. My Mom knew what he was capable of, she even told me to talk to her about it, but how could I tell her he was coming today? Today of all days?

Most people don't realize why my Mom's birthday is such a happy day for her. It's the day she escaped the wrath of the man. He may have left pain and suffering behind, but the pain and suffering which he left on my Mom's skin was more important. Her birthday may have been the end of a marriage, the end of a relationship, but it was also the end of the beating. The physical pain he left on her.

The thing my brothers don't know, is what the man did. They know he's hurt us, but they don't know about the scars he left on my Mom. The emotional pain was more than enough for woman with two young children to deal with, but turning up home every night drunk, and beating her because she was never there, was never the one, it just wasn't right. He may have left, but the night he left my Mom cried. When he slammed the door shut she cried with joy. The tears slipped down her cheeks as the realization hit her that he may have cheated on her, yet she was free from the pain, she was free from hiding the blue and purple marks he left on her body, and she was free to leave the house when ever she wanted. She didn't have another child to look after. A weight was lifted off her shoulders that night. A weight of torment and abuse. But little does she know years later, it was dumped back onto mine ...

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><p><strong>WHAT DO YOU THINK?<strong>  
><strong>DID YOU THINK IT WAS 'THE MAN'?<strong>  
><strong>Hahahahahaa:D<strong>  
><strong>Ahh I love tormenting you! <strong>  
><strong>So tell me what you think of the chapterstory so far & I should be updating this story sosososo soon!**  
><strong>I might not be able to upadte until Saturday, as I'm going shopping tomorrow, indoor skydiving on thursday, and a gig on Friday night!:D<strong>  
><strong>exciting much!<strong>  
><strong>anyway, I hope you all like it!:D<strong>  
><strong>(MWAH) <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Heya!**  
><strong>remember me?<strong>  
><strong>I'm that one who started writing a story, didn't know what to write, so went indoor skydiving &amp; rode on the biggest roller coaster in europe instead of writing!<strong>  
><strong>I'm very very sorry! (forgive me?)<strong>  
><strong>anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!<strong>  
><strong>it's took me ffooorrreevvveeerr to write it!<strong>  
><strong>(and also MAHOOOOSIVE kudos to my friend, Becky, who's being lovely and is proof-reading my story from now on so I'm not grammatically incorrect:L)<strong>  
><strong>I hope you enjoy the suspense :3<strong>

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><p>I looked over once more at my Mom, with tears of joy filling in her eyes, like they did that night when I was 3, except an anger clouded over my mind. Why should <em>I<em> suffer? Why should _no one_ know? Why should _I_ hide _my_ secret? And that's when I decided. I was going to tell Jo. Tonight.

I looked over to the fluorescent orange sofa, in which she was sat, laughing and joking with our friends. If I didn't tell her tonight, then I know she'd never trust me. Not if _he_ burst in at any moment in time. He could just walk right through the door, right at this moment in time, and ruin my whole future. Everything I did would be judged just because of the mistakes he's made, and the path of destruction that it's left behind is too much to cope with, especially now.

I breathed in, puffing out my chest, making me appear stronger than I already am. _'I'm strong,'_ I thought, _'I can do this.'_

Unlike most people, opening up to someone who you trust has always been a hard thing to do. Ever since he left, I've been terrified of loosing loved ones, and people who I consider as my family (even though we're not related in any shape, or form). I'm scared that they'll judge me, for the mistakes I've made or been a part of, so this is a very new experience for me. Right now, I could cry. I've bottled up all of these emotions inside me for what feels like centuries, I'm scared they'll leak out. I mean, we're not famous, I've only been in this humid town for a few months, but inside I've been worried about this since we was offered this amazing opportunity. But I know Jo. There's something different about her which doesn't make me feel like I'm in this situation alone. I really trust her, and I really like her too...

I think it's time I admit two things tonight. 'No pressure or anything.' I mumbled to myself, staring at the pretty blonde girl, who's eyes now met with mine from over the crowded room. As she continued to look at me, a smile grew on her face, as quickly as one did on mine.

I knew I had to act quickly. I need her to know. _'But if I go over, people will get suspicious.'_ My mind thought, over processing the situation which lay ahead. I slid the phone out of my pocket, which holds so many bad memories, and eagerly searched through my contacts until I got to 'J' and then carefully went through the peoples numbers installed on my phone. _Jenifer 1, Jenifer 2, Jennifer 3, Jenny T, a-ha!_ The words 'Jo' was highlighted within a white rectangular box across her name and number, which appeared in black, and her picture, which was to the right of the screen. _'I can do this,'_ I reassured myself _'I'm brave.'_

I dragged my fingers and forced myself to push the 'write message' button. As the screen suddenly went white, filling it with black lines like that on a note pad, my fingers furiously typed like they never have before. It's like they were possessed by my emotions, controlled by my every thought and anguish of pain. As quickly as I had started, it was sent. My phone then vibrated in my fearful grasp. As I stared at the name highlighted on my screen, it said 'Jo', like it had done seconds ago, and in little letters underneath it said 'delivered'. Most people often wondered why I set my phone to receive delivery reports, but I love to see who's got their phone on, and who's not, just so I can be sneaky and see how quickly they check their phone.

My eyes panned across the room, from my phone back to the orange sofa where they had begun moments earlier, as I stared at the blonde haired girl, reading the text she had received, knowing it was from me. The letters, which formed words that I had just typed span through my mind like a hurricane, as I replayed the text, knowing it was going through her mind too.

I knew that right this second she was reading _'Hey Jo, I need to talk to you right now. It's really important! Could I meet you by the PWP_ (which is the code that's has been circulating by text throughout the hotel for 'Palm Woods pool') _in 10? Kendall x'_. 'Was it too much?' I thought, as my legs turned to jelly.

As I continued to look at her, her head arose from the light provided by her phone, and her eyes locked into mine once more. Her head nodded. Just once. I nodded back, with my lips creasing slightly at the edges, I knew that this is it. My jellied legs began to take me towards the door, until a smaller woman with brown hair stopped me. 'Where are you going Kendall?' my Mom asked, smiling as if everything was perfect. 'Just out for some fresh air, Mom' I replied, smiling back, 'I'll be back before you know it!' I reassured her, opening the door and making my way towards the not-so-famous Palm Woods elevators. I walked inside the metallic box, pushed the 'ground floor' button, which lit up as soon as I pressed it, and my heart began to race. This was it, the moment I had been avoiding for all this time.

Thoughts of dread and regret clustered in my mind as the memories of my childhood as the black and blue scars of pain and misery flooded back to me. I felt trapped. Physically _and_ mentally. A loud 'Ping!' echoed throughout the metal walls as the doors slid open, revealing a quiet and peaceful lobby. The sound of my footsteps ruined the calm atmosphere as I made my way outside to the pool, and sat down at my usual table. My eyes flickered towards the moon, which was now faintly visible in the mid-afternoon sky, behind clouds and the light radiating off the sun. The pool had never felt this tense and awkward. A place which had normally been filled with joy and happiness was now associated with the pain which has been growing throughout my childhood, and my memories and experiences were about to unfold, and spill out across the cold, hard slabs of concrete which was formed into tiles by the Palm Woods pool.

I only hoped they wouldn't leave a stain.

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><p><strong>Dum dum dddduuuummm!<strong>  
><strong>waddya think eh?<strong>  
><strong>you lliikkkee?<strong>  
><strong>you no like?<strong>  
><strong>Y U NO LIKE?<strong>  
><strong>tell me your opinions &amp; such in a review, or not, I don't mind!<strong>  
><strong>I'll attempt to post a new chapter within a few days<strong>  
><strong>is that cool interwebz?<strong>  
><strong>I hope that's cool! <strong>  
><strong>MUCHO ENCANTAA!<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Heya!**  
><strong>Didn't expect the next chapter to this story to be up up <em>this<em> early?**  
><strong>Nawww me nether!<strong>  
><strong>well ... It would have been up at around 2am-ish, if this website hadn't decided not to load it! (damn yyoouu!)<strong>  
><strong>Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter ... it was hard to write!<strong>

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><p>As I sat there, anxiously staring at the sky, trying to make up the conversation I was about to have in my head. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think how to say it nicely. Well... some of it was nice to hear. It was more than nice. It was the truth, and the truth is the nicest thing you can hear sometimes, yet others it's the hardest thing to come to terms with. In a matter of minutes I was going to make someone else feel an array of emotions, and some of it was just to make myself feel better. But would she accept me?<p>

_'Wow Kendall, you're so self centred.'_ my inner conscience spoke to me, taking over my brain and practically screaming all of the other thoughts which were running through my mind, taking me to one of the unhappiest places I've ever been. Even though it was warm, sunny, and humid, a cold chill seemed to run throughout the Palm Woods, sending a cold chill down my spine. _'Must be the air conditioning...'_ I thought, trying to think positively. _'It's me, stupid.'_ my inner conscience spoke once more, shaking the optimism out of me, filling my mind with even more pessimistic thoughts of failure, lies, and deceit.

As I sat in my chair, becoming more and more anxious of the bump in the road I like to call life, which was right ahead of me, I continued to look at my phone, checking the time. Every time I looked, it was the same time, yet occasionally the time would flicker ahead, changing one of the digits to the next one, or taking it back to the start after the number nine and changing it to a zero. Even though I understood the concept of time fully, minutes didn't feel like 60 seconds. They felt longer. _A lot_ longer. They felt like hours.

I felt like I had been waiting forever, and the weight which had been on my shoulders for years was growing increasingly heavier with every breath I took. I was pinned down into my chair, slowly sinking further and further into a hole of loneliness. Then a warm pain tapped my left shoulder and a figure passed me and sat on the chair placed opposite me. It was Jo. She smiled sweetly, 'What's wrong Kendall? What do you have to tell me?' she asked. I froze. What could I tell her? What could I tell her without her finding out my dark secret? Was this it? Was this the end of the line for my days of lying and covering up the awful truth which was my life?

'Jo,' I muttered, looking up into her beautiful brown eyes 'I really like you.' A smile appeared on her face. 'I really like you too, Kendall.' Of course, part of me had always known that she knew that I liked her, I've never been any good at hiding the truth but I needed to buy more time to figure out my plan of action.

As she spoke to me, the words didn't register in my head. I was more focused on the conversation we had previously had in my head. The one where she rejected me after I told her my secret and revealed my past. As the girl across the table was smiling and talking to an empty soul which was more focused on the pain which could possibly be ahead of me, literally. I sat in the chair, looking deep into her eyes, in a world of my own where she rejected me for the past_. 'For God's sake Kendall,'_ my inner demon spoke out _'Why do you have to be su-_' My thoughts were cut short by the girl opposite, demanding my full attention. 'Kendall!' she exclaimed, waving her arms in front of my face. I blinked and snapped back into reality, back into real life, where the past didn't matter, or at least not as much.

'Kendall.' Her concerned voice hit the cold, sharp air, breaking the silence, 'What's been up with you lately? You've seemed so distant over the past week. Please tell me.' Her words hit me like a truck. She wanted to know. No one has ever wanted to know. I knew inside that I needed to tell her, but part of me couldn't let go of the secret which I'd been dearly clinging onto for years. Even though it brought me so much pain and misery, I had found a comfort in that secret. It's something only I know, even thought it's hard to think about.

Practically living with James, Carlos and not forgetting Logan, for the majority of my life means that they've always been there for me, no matter what. They're my safety net, they catch me when I fall. And as they're always there, it's meant that there's no secrets. Everyone knows the next guy to the last detail, but I couldn't hurt them by letting them find out my truth.

I looked deeper into Jo's eyes, I couldn't help it, but the more I looked into them, the more I forgot about the conversation we were having. All I wanted to do was to look into them and forget about life. Even though I was lost in a trance, her worried look kept me in reality, and made me focus on what was important - telling the truth. 'Kendall.' The blonde haired girl pleaded, 'If you don't tell me, tell someone else. I'm really worried about you.' She's worried about me. She's actually worried about me. My heart sank deeper into my chest than it ever had done before. I knew I had to tell her.

I took a deep breath, looked straight into her eyes, and whilst trying not to get lost in them I spoke. 'Jo, something happened to me as a child... and it's coming back to get me.' I murmured, looking into my hands. 'What's coming to get you, Kendall?' She asked, weary of what she may uncover, touching my hands with hers. Even though it was warm, a cold shadow grew above me. 'Yeah.' a voice bellowed, 'What's coming to get you, Kendall?'

* * *

><p><strong>HAHHAAAA!<strong>  
><strong>Yet another cliff hangeeerrr!<strong>  
><strong>aren't they just the best?:D<strong>  
><strong>Anyway! <strong>  
><strong>Who do you think the 'cold shadow' is?<strong>  
><strong>did you like this chapter?<strong>  
><strong>do I keep having to ask you to give me reviews of whatcha think?<strong>  
><strong>Gawsh!<strong>  
><strong>well, I hope you liked it anyway!:D<strong>  
><strong>(Also, massive thanks for Becky who's being like my not-so-BETA-Reader on this story ... but over skype!:D)<strong>  
><strong>Buhbyee!<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Is this real life?**  
><strong>it's 1:30am &amp; I've JUST got it proof-read and everything's perfect!<strong>  
><strong> well it might not be perfect as I wrote it ...<strong>  
><strong>but still! I'm tired and it's took me ages to write this!<strong>  
><strong>I hope you like it!<br>also, I'm very very tired, so it might not make sense ... treat me as if I'm not in top set for English (even though grammar isn't my thing)!  
>now PROCEED TO READ! <strong>

* * *

><p>The shadow above me grew colder and colder, but something didn't feel right. The pain wasn't there. I looked up from my hands to Jo, who was sat opposite me, smiling at the person who owned the shadow above me. Smiling. I turned my head around wearily to find James. Phew. Panic over. The pretty boy looked at me, straight in the eyes, and repeated 'What's coming to get you, Kendall?' The room suddenly span around, I was trapped.<p>

I needed to tell someone. But could I do it _now_?

'Erm..' I muttered 'It's nothing. But why are you here?' I changed the subject, hoping he wouldn't bring it back up. James blankly stared at me in the face 'Dude, you're not at the party' he said sarcastically, tilting his head to the side 'and being one of the party kings of Hollywood, you need to come back!' He smiled. This is why I liked James. He easily deflected attention away from things which were difficult to talk about and he didn't even realize it! 'Yeah, I'll be back in a bit!' I replied, smiling up at the tall boy. He smiled and turned around, spinning into the Jennifers, who pushed him into the pool before strutting off.

The brunette boy squealed as he hit the strangely clouded water, making a giant splash. As he re-surfaced into the real world, something didn't seem right with him. Something had changed. He shot out of the pool and waddled towards us, clutching his arms and shaking, his face was slightly red. 'Hey, J-J-Jo' he shivered 'do you have a m-m-mirror on you?' This wasn't surprising. After all, he was _The Face_. 'Yeah, I'm guessing you want to borrow it?' She smiled, trying not to laugh at the tall boy, who nodded frantically. Jo then reached into her pocket, revealing a small circular mirror, with a faded pink plastic back. The taller boy took the mirror out of her hands, and stared deep into it, with tears forming in his eyes. 'This can't be!' He whispered, trying to fight back the tears. 'What?' Me and Jo asked in sync, looking up at the pretty boy, worryingly. 'Dry skin!' He exclaimed, whilst burying his face in his hands, trying to flee the scene as quickly as possible without anyone noticing the salty tears streaming from his eyes.

It seems the reason why the world's _greatest _pool was quiet was because there was too much chlorine in the water. I had failed to notice the giant yellow signs hanging around the pool saying '_**KEEP OUT: CHLORINE LEVELS DANGEROUSLY HIGH**_'in big, bold, black letters. The chlorine had reacted with his skin making it really, really, _really_ dry. 'We're not going to hear the end of this for weeks.' I thought, trying not to laugh.

I stood up and bent down, retrieving Jo's mirror. I sat back down in my chair and handed it to her, gently brushing my hand past hers in the process. 'Thank you!' She smiled. I couldn't do anything but smile back. She made me so happy it was untrue.

We had completely forgotten about the text and were talking like we did earlier when we were shopping. Except this time there were no distractions, everything was calm and peaceful. We just sat there, laughing like kids, and everything was perfect. Nothing was wrong in the world. Nothing was wrong when I was with her. It's like I was a different person when I was with her. Not to say that I didn't like myself when I was with my best friends in our apartment, but something was different. Something felt different.

I checked my phone, and glanced at the time highlighted across the screen. It had been fourty minutes since I left the party, and a worried look smeared across my face like butter on toast. I looked up from my phone and stared into her dark brown eyes which widened as she frowned slightly. _'Do we have to go?'_ her eyes seemed to say. I nodded slowly. We rose from our seats and left the pool, making our way back to the apartment, holding hands. As we left, the joy from the pool disappeared and it was like we was never there.

We left the lift, walked down the corridor, and arrived at the front door of my apartment. We walked inside to find it just as lively, bright, and exciting as it was before. Everyone was laughing and joking without a care in the world. Even little Shane was running around with other kids his age, mainly his cousins, laughing and playing as if nothing bad had happened at home and life was good.

A smile appeared on my face, larger this time. Life was perfect. It might not be like everyone else's but I'm surrounded by people who love me. I may be haunted by my past and the mistakes I've made but I was in a room full of love and the love which was in my heart grew, pushing some of the pain and sorrow out. No one may have known that the pain went away, or that it was even there, but it doesn't matter that no one knew. For the first time in _years_, I didn't have to think about _the man_ or worry about my family, everyone who meant something to _me_ was _happy_.

Well, everyone except James, who was sat in the corner looking at his reflection in the mirror, slowing watching his flawless skin become dry for the first time since we were kids, when the cold got to him when he was playing hockey. But even still, he was happy. It may not have been the conventional happy, but he was away from his family, and anything away from the suffering his extended family gave him, which his parents tried to hide him from was good enough for him. LA was his safe place. So was everywhere else which was over a five mile radius from his family.

'_This perfection won't last forever._ _I must make the most of it.' _I thought, walking deeper into the sea of people, and hiding from the truth for just a _little_ bit longer

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><p><strong>the first thing I must do is say KUDOS ONCE MORE TO BECKY! The pool bit was her idea!<strong>  
><strong>well, the chlorine bit was my idea, but still, JOINT EFFORT 2K11!<strong>  
><strong>Secondly, Waddya think?<strong>  
><strong>Did you expect it to be James?<strong>  
><strong>What do you think will happen next eh?<strong>  
><strong>You like?<strong>  
><strong>You no like?<strong>  
><strong>REVIEW AND TELL ME Y U NO LLIIKKKEE!<strong>  
><strong><em>(also, this story has got nearly 1000 hits ... it may not be a lot to some people, but omfg I love you all more than life3)<em>**  
><strong> (and omg I only put the 8th chapter up today &amp; it got 4 reviews ... YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW MUCH THIS ALL MEANS TO ME!)<strong>  
><strong> TTFN<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Before you read the thing in which some people call a 'story' I'd just like to say I'm SOSOSOSSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO sorry for not posting this sooner! I've had trouble writing recently. so I'd apprciate it if you all didn't put dead babies through my letter box!**  
><strong>I've alos been busy getting into pottermore! Hazzah! If anyone else on here has, inbox me ASAP &amp; I'll try and find you when JK sends out the owls delivering our all important emails!<strong>  
><strong>I'll shut up now ...<strong>  
><strong>once again credit to Becky for BETA-ing this chapter! <strong>

* * *

><p>As the day went on and the sun was slowly drifting closer to the horizon and being replaced by the glowing white moon. As the day had progressed, I forgot about the man and all the troubles I had left behind. I was truly happy.<p>

Most of my family members who were here today argued, this was normal in our family. There were a lot of us, and we all lived so close together! But even through the arguments, shouting and sleepless nights, something felt different. It felt like happiness. Now I know that happiness isn't a feeling, but it felt as if everyone's heart-ache and sadness had been lifted from their shoulders, letting the happiness drift down over them all, getting their heads out of the clouds of disappointment for just a few hours.

Everyone smiled.

Nothing was wrong.

'Kendall ...' Jo asked, looking up at me from my left, 'could we go on a walk, just for a minute?' 'Sure!' I replied, as we walked towards the brownish door, then into the dull lobby the plain lights, blinking every few seconds, leaving us in darkness for a moment. We stood there. Leaning against the wall opposite the wall which separated us from the apartment, we stood awkwardly. I broke the silence 'So,' I cleared my throat, 'what up?' She looked down at her feet then back up at me 'This isn't a walk!' she replied, whilst laughing and grabbing my hand before we walked down the seemingly never-ending corridor.

As we walked the lights kept flickering in canon, like a chain. Like when there is a huge wave in the ocean, and your eyes pan across, and you can see that same wave just starting to form somewhere else. This was when it hit me. I couldn't tell Jo. Even though hours earlier I was going to confess my troubles, deepest thoughts, and actions which I had regretted, I couldn't. This chain reaction had already occurred in me and it was slowly creeping over everyone else whom was close to me.

I kept walking through the recurring chain reactions, the lights turning off as I stood under them, yet flickering back on as soon as I was a foot away. It was like they could see the pain I was feeling inside and showing it visually. Not like when people nod and say 'I know what you mean' because they don't... they never do. '_Shut up._' I thought, snapping back into reality, the reality which Jo and I were a part of.

'So... what's wrong?' I broke the silence once more, even though it wasn't really silent as we were walking and you could hear the noise of our shoes making contact with the worn out carpet below our feet. She looked up at me as we continued walking and uttered the words 'Did you mean what you said?' I looked back at her, confused. 'About ... us?' she continued, returning her gaze to the corridor ahead of her. I stopped, thus breaking the pattern of flickering lights. I let go of her hand as she continued, unaware of my plans. She turned around as she felt my grip loosen from hers, stopping an arm's length away from me. 'No' I replied, looking at the disappointment appear on her face as a smirk did on mine. 'Jo, I really, really, _really_ like you...' her eyes lit up as they locked on to mine and the words 'me too' escaped from her smile and drifted up to me, making a smile spread across my face to match hers.

It might not be forever, but I've learnt that living in the moment is the best thing to do, because something will always happen which changes things even if people don't want to admit it, life isn't like a film. We both smiled. We smiled as our feet slowly made their way closer to each other and as we held our arms out to one another, ending in a long hug in the middle of the hallway. She buried her face into my neck and I could smell her hair. 'I thought this would never happen!' she uttered into my ear as I felt her smile growing wider.

As her smile grew, so did my regret. The regret that I knew I was going to hurt her by not telling her. But I couldn't tell her. I couldn't hurt her. Even though her hug was one of the warmest feelings I've ever felt (apart from the warmth from the multiple pads located on my shin's, knee's, elbow's, and shoulder's after the most intense hockey game of my life), a strange feeling came over me. This was something that I had experienced before, but I had only ever experienced it with 6 people.

These people were my Mom, Katie, James, Logan, Carlos, and my little cousin, Shane, earlier this evening. I felt like I had to protect her. I felt like I was her only shoulder to lean on, even though she had loads of other people to talk to or confide in. But even after all of the pain I had suffered in all of my life, this was a different kind of protection.

We stood in the hallway, hugging for what felt like forever. I didn't want to let go, and if she did then that was tough! She would have to drag me around with her wherever she went! All I knew was that everything was good at that moment. The man didn't matter. My Mom didn't matter. My siblings didn't matter. All that mattered was that we were together and everything could be like the movies, just for a little while!

That's when I heard it. The noise. The fire alarm. The noise cut straight through the peaceful atmosphere, making it tense and scary. 'Follow me!' I whispered to Jo, who had been released from my mega-hug, and our hands were intertwined once more. We smiled as we walked to the green sign with a door and a man on it in white, indicating it was a fire exit.

We made our way to the stairs. I put my foot down. Something didn't feel right. The room suddenly span around in different directions and my body flopped like a rag doll and fell down the numerous steps until I hit what I thought was the bottom.

No noise could be heard.

It was as if the sound had been put on mute.

My vision slowly started to blur into darkness and a warmth grew at the back of my head as Jo ran to me. Her mouth moving, but no words hit me.

Everything went black.

I felt my eyes closing.

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><p><strong>*suspicious music*<strong>  
><strong>what do you think has happened?<strong>  
><strong>what do you think of Jo?<strong>  
><strong>when do you think the 'man' shall appear?<strong>  
><strong>do you like it?<strong>  
><strong>no?<strong>  
><strong>GET OUT!<strong>  
><strong>I joke, I hope everyone liked it!<strong>  
><strong>If you did, then leave me a review!:D If you do, you shall have my eternal love!:D<strong>  
><strong>TTFN!<strong>  
><strong>(that's ta ta for now if you didn't know already!)<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Omg, it's been less than 24 hours I think, & yet I'm posting again! BOOM!**  
><strong>Now this chapter is slightly different!<strong>  
><strong>I've been watching submarine &amp; it really inspired me to do something different &amp; mix it up!<strong>  
><strong>I've forced myself to write this chapter!<strong>  
><strong>I had open a slideshow from the BTR concert I went to, reviews all of you lovely people had sent me, my iPod on low playing the BTR album, and the massive poster thing everyone in the UK special edition got with my name on (just so I was inspired &amp; it forced to me to work!)<strong>  
><strong>well ... I hope you like it!:D <strong>

* * *

><p>I lay in the room. My eyes was shut tight. I knew what was coming. I've know this was coming for a while.<p>

My world was filled with darkness. But I was aware of everything around me. One thing I knew was that this was defiantly not home. Or at least the place I've been calling home for the past 3 months. I could feel a hard, cold slab underneath me. I guessed I was in a bed. I knew it wasn't my bed, because my bed is soft, but I could tell it was something which many people before me have slept on.

The more I thought, the more my head began to throb. I tried to move. I couldn't. I tried to open my eyes. I couldn't. It's like every part of my body was tied down, but I was awake, and unable to do anything. I tried to talk. I couldn't. I felt so claustrophobic in my own body. It's like I was just a very tiny person, trapped inside my head, controlling my whole body by pulling levers, yet they had all jammed.

Even though I was trapped, it's like my other senses had multiplied by the loss of my sight temporarily, meaning I could hear what people in the room was saying. I heard the echo someone crying, and I knew that cry all too well. It was my Mom. As soon as her sadness had made it's way into my ears, swarming around my head, I felt tear drops on my left arm, slowly trickling down to my hand.

I could feel another hand touch mine on the right side of my body. This hand was smaller than most, and had a soft touch. Their hand rubbed mine, as I lay paralyzed in my own body, unable to communicate with the outside world. The person left me a message, like it was an answer machine. They simple breathed into my ear and whispered 'Get well soon, Big Brother ... I love you.' as tears started to fall onto my cheek as well, like tiny droplets of salty rain.

As the tear drops continued to flow from my family's eyes, my Mom whispered 'Why did you do it, Kendall?' expecting me to reply, yet continued to cry into my left arm, almost shaking me out of my reality, and into theirs. Wait ... what did I do? Was it accident? I didn't mean to fall! ... actually ... I don't even remember falling ... I hope someone can tell me.

My thought process was cut off by the rivers of tears stopping, and the hands which has fixated on my arms being released, and taken to an unknown destination. As the sound of feet slowly got further away, and the sound of a door slammed shut, silence fell up on me. I was alone. I couldn't do anything for myself. What if I spent forever like this? What if I lay in this mysterious location forever, not aging, and then I awoke one day, to find out that everyone had forgotten about me.

My thought process was cut short by a noise. A mysterious noise. It took me a while to recognize it, but it was the same one which belongs to a door. The door which my family must have exited from. Then came the sound of feet. Many feet. Feet which was loud. I knew this sound. This sound was my 3 best friends, or brothers as I like to call them. They're there for me, I always know they've got my back, but something didn't feel right. I then heard light thuds, which I guessed was them sitting down in random locations about the still unknown surroundings which I lay in.

Then came another sound. An irregular sound. A sound I rarely heard. A clicking sound. Yet it wasn't clicking, it was more of tapping. It was an un even tapping noise, which grew closer, and closer to me. It eventually stopped, followed by an even lighter thud, which I heard was closer to my feet, than my head. I wish I could have just peered open my eyes, and see who or what was near to my bed.

I then heard one of my brothers mutter 'I never thought he would have done that.' It was a James mutter. He was always the one to break awkward silences, but normally with something about himself, or people who he thinks are 'hot' located around the Palm Wood's, or the general Los Angeles area, but something wasn't right.

Through out the last 3 people I've heard, my ears had detected sadness, and a mysterious hint of something else. Not being able to see, or open my eyes for that matter, had made it difficult for me to detect emotions, but my brain had finally clicked, and matched the tone and pitch with a feeling. That's when I realized there was sadness, but to the untrained (and unable to see) eye, there was also a hint of disappointment, which had also been thrown into the voice box to be disguised as sadness or despair.

The words James had just once said was now being replayed through out my mind. What have I done? My Mom seemed disappointed in me too ... unless. They know. They know the secret I've been hiding. I should have told Jo when I could, instead of ending up here, where ever here is!

Back in reality, Carlos spoke 'I know, I wish I could turn back time and stop him.' Then from his direction same some shuffling, and a sigh. I'm still unsure whilst there was a shuffle, but it's not like I can ask them why due to my brain deciding my lips don't work. But they know. They now know one of the darkest secrets I've been trying to keep for years. I wanted to jump out of my shell of a body & scream, or cry, or just do something.

That's when I heard it. A whisper from near my feet. A feminine whisper. A Jo whisper. She whispered 'I should have stopped him.' before sniffing loudly, echoing around the now obviously enclosed space. No other words was heard. They knew. They knew the secret. I heard words, which tried to form sentences in my head, but nothing stuck. I was slowly fading. Fading away like I had previously done before. Except this time, it was just the sound of my head throbbing, and the sound of the people around me slowly disappearing which made me realize this.

Everything was silent.

* * *

><p><strong>So, what do YOU think Kendall has done?<strong>  
><strong>Did you like it?<strong>  
><strong>Did you like the way I wrote this chapter?<strong>  
><strong>what do you think will happen next?<strong>  
><strong>Well ... all is to revealed soon my pretties!<strong>  
><strong>I hope you liked this enough to rate it!:D<strong>  
><strong>Much Love<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm so sorry! I've found it difficult to write this chapter!**  
><strong>I wanted to make it like chapter 11, but I don't think I completed my challenge successively! <strong>  
><strong>Anyway! I've altered a little Owl city lyric in this chapter! I wanna see if you can find it! (also, I'm going to see him in two weeks &amp; two days!:D)<strong>  
><strong>Also, for the last few chapters, I'm aware the grammar is suckish! Becky is on holiday, meaning no BETA reader!<strong>  
><strong>but still ... enjoy!:D <strong>

* * *

><p>The world spun into focus, as a bright LED light shined right above my head, making my eyes squint into reality, surrounded by unfamiliar territory. My eyes closed again, as my head throbbed back into existence, just as I saw two blurry people hover over me. I tried to move my hand over my eyes, to shield myself from the bright lights of reality, yet something was stopping me. I moved my eyes down slightly, whilst still squinting, to find someone on my right arm, holding onto me as if I was about to fall off the face of the earth.<p>

My eyes rolled around my head, trying to figure out where I was, the lights around me, slowly got dimmer and dimmer, as more of the people who mean the most to me swarm over me, like bees to honey. My lips begin to curl as my head begins to throb, as the reality of what has just happened falls on to me like brick. _What if they know? What if they judge me? What if I'm left alone? _

Just as quickly as the pain of them knowing is here, it disappears as soon as my Mom's face blurs to life, and I know I'm going to be safe.

As the net caught me as I fell from the clouds, I could hear the rain, beating down from them also, onto the small window, leaving tiny droplets running down the window pane like the ones which was running down my arm in my state of paralysis. Even though it was raining, I could still see the sun, shining through the beige curtains, and I think this reflects my mood. I don't know how to feel, like the sky doesn't know what to do. I'm unsure If I should be happy, like the sun, or I should be sad, like the rain. _'Just react like everyone else is.'_ I thought, whilst staring my Mom blankly in the eyes.

'Kendall!' the joy leaped out of her and onto me, like an excited puppy around new people. I smiled weakly, as my Mom smiled back with tears in her eyes. I looked down at my trapped hand, and noticing another hand lay on top of it. I followed the arm to find the person who it belongs to. Their arm connected to their shoulder, which was kind of connected to their neck, until I saw their face. It was my little sister. My weak smile grew slight. 'Katie' I uttered, as tears fell down her cheeks, staining them slightly. 'Don't cry! Everything's fine!' I assured the worried tween, placing my opposite hand on top of hers.

I glanced around the room, staring at the familiar faces who I love so much, I noticed one who I didn't expect to find. Someone who I thought wouldn't be here for me. Someone who I love just as much as I do everyone else surrounding me. Next to my sister. It was him. It was my little cousin, Shane. His face lit up as I glanced at him, and he whispered the words 'I thought you was sick like Mommy.' My face dropped as the little boy smiled back at me, not realizing the affect of his little, innocent words.

My Mom looked at Shane, the words seemed to have an affect on her, yet she shook them off and focusing back on me, wanting to un-hear the words she'd just heard about her sister. She smiled again, as she stroked my hair, her eyes still crimson red from crying.

Everyone was smiling. I may have been in pain, the pain I was currently in was nothing on the years of suffering leading up to this uncertain day. Even though I may have hit the cold, hard stair case with enough force to hospitalize me, but I've never felt so content. I had everyone around me, and I knew they would support me, but the thing is, do they know my secret, or would I confess everything in front of them, and see their reaction dramatically change in front of me.

As my eyes gazed around the faces huddled over my bed, as the door slowly opened, and revealed a blonde haired girl stood in the door way. Her brown eyes filled with joy as they locked into mine. It was Jo. As she walked nearer to my bed, her footsteps matched the mysterious ones I had heard earlier. Her smile grew. 'You're awake!' she announced, as she came closer and closer to my bed. The nearer she came to my bed, the more my smile grew stronger.

My Mother's eyes darted back and forth at me & Jo until she directly looked at me, with a questioned look on her face which seemed to say 'are you two a thing?' I shrugged slightly, as she nodded acceptingly.

We all talked for a while. a room full of people laughing, and smiling, reminiscing on things which had happened in the past & telling stories. Even though we was discussing amazing times which I cherish in my life, something didn't feel right. Thinking about those times reminded me unhappy times I suffered during those events, except unlike the stories, I was alone.

The more we discussed the past, the more those feelings grew into the present, and the more my Mom grew suspicious. After a while, she wafted the others out of the room, including my little sister, Katie, and my cousin, Shane. As they left I saw her emotions change dramatically. The air was once full of happiness and laughter, yet now it was full of disappointment and regret.

I suddenly felt claustrophobic. The walls felt as if they was going to cave in, and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. My Mom begin to talk to me. 'Kendall, we need to talk.' She suggested, sitting down on an arm chair to the right of my bed. 'About what?' I replied, gulping. She took a deep breath. I knew the next word which was coming. One word. One small and powerful word. 'Drugs.' she instructed.

I was right.

* * *

><p><strong>What did you think?<strong>  
><strong>was you surprised?<strong>  
><strong>did you think it was about drugs?<strong>  
><strong>what did you think of the chapter?<strong>  
><strong>TELL ME EVERYTHING!<strong>  
><strong>I hoped you liked it!<strong>  
><strong>Please review &amp; answer my iccle questions!<strong>  
><strong>also, thanks so much for reading!<strong>  
><strong>It's nearing the end of the story, but I'm already planning a sequel!<strong>  
><strong>x <strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey! I'm really sorry! I've had the first few lines of this lying about for a while, but I didn't know what to do! So I stayed up till 4am last night writing, and I now know what to do!**  
><strong>Now I'm going to post one more chapter in this story, and them post a follow up!<strong>  
><strong>Sooooo this isn't the end of Kendall and his *cough* problem!<strong>  
><strong>I hope you enjoy it ... <strong>

* * *

><p>Silence fell on the room, and gained enough velocity to leave a ringing in my ears. The only sound which could be heard was my Mom's breath, as she steadily took in some of the air which surrounded her, and then exhaling, turning that oxygen into carbon dioxide. Changes like these was simple, but the ones happening in my head at the same time was much more complex than the ones which was happening throughout her body, which was so small her brain didn't just register what was happening, it was normal.<p>

The things happening in my head wasn't normal. It wasn't a regular occurrence which happened throughout everyone. It was something I had to face alone, and put on a brave face for all of the people surrounding me. I couldn't hurt them like I was hurting inside, it just wasn't fair.

Even though I was still in the room, and I was still full aware of the actions which was being made around me, I wasn't there. I was merely just flesh compiled on a hard bed. I was a shadow of my former self.

As I closed my eyelids, memories from my past started to play before my eyes. The darkness of my mind shifted into light as the colours of tainted memories swirled before me & focused into life. The colours merged together to form the neon lights and colours of my past.

My heart sank and thumped against my ribcage. Two years. Two years is all it took for me to become the mess of a person I am today.

A film played before me in my head. I had no other choice but to watch the characters transformation before my very eyes.

Once he was happy. He was like every other regular guy who enjoyed playing hockey with his best friends, and wanted to be the best he could be. He went to a regular school and was enjoying his life. He wasn't popular, but he wasn't a geek. he got good grades but no one teased him. Everyone knew that if they did, his three best friends would have his back and they would restore peace in the dingy school corridors.

This all changed after one day when his Mom and little sister was out, the house phone rang. The boy picked it up. Words of terror, pain, and misery was uttered into the teens ears from a voice which was too familiar. Silent tears fell down the boys cheeks as the mysterious voice kept filling the boys perfect world with terror, and showed him into a world in which fear was around the corner.

The boy put down the phone. That wasn't enough to stop the man from making the boys life a living hell. For the next 6 months the phone calls began more frequently. They started at once a week to fear the boy, yet then they became every 2-3 days. They was always around the same time, but for some reason, the man knew when the boys family was out. It was like they was _stalking_ them.

The months turned into a year. One year to be exact. The boy became paranoid. His paranoia started taking over his life. He wasn't the same, yet he stayed strong for his family, who was still in the dark about the whole situation.

He felt alone. He had no where to turn. He was a shadow of his former self.

All until one night ...

One night he was dragged out by his friends to a house party. He was young and easily impressionable. He was forced into a world full of bright colours, laughter, and everything he had been missing out on in the past 12 months. As the house was trashed, he was able to be carefree for a few hours, and let go of the world he was forced to latch onto just for a while.

Going to these parties became more of a regular occurrence for the boy, yet as time went by his friends didn't go with him, yet he continued to mask the pain the way he started it. Alone. The more he was alone, the more people started to befriend him and get to know the guy. The people who wanted to befriend him wasn't like his best friends. They didn't know him. They didn't like him. they didn't even want him there. they just wanted to use him. They used him like the boy was being used by the man, except the boy was willing to go into this scary place himself, in which the darkness was disguised by loud music and party lights.

These people thought it would be funny to do something to the boy. Little did they know this would fuel the boys addiction, and would help him instead of driving him away from them. They gave him something. Something small. Something life changing. Something compact. Something awful. **A pill**.

They forced him to have it. As the effects of the pill grew stronger and stronger, he was freer than he ever was before. The boy began to crave the effects of the pills, and began to have more and more. Somehow he still managed to hide his addiction and pain from his friends and family. They didn't know about his struggle, but he knew he couldn't tell them about the man now. It was too late. He was in too deep.

As time went on, the mysterious man became frequently in contact with the boy, noting things the boy had done through out the day. The boy kept taking more and more drugs as his last resort, as the mystery man began to text the boy. His every move was noted by him. The boy did everything to blend in, but nothing worked.

16 months after he received his first phone call, the man revealed himself. It was the boy's father. The boy began to recollect memories from the past, which made him become more scared of the man, and began to do everything which was humanly possible for him to escape from reality.

This all changed as the boy was offered a life changing opportunity, yet there was still something missing in his life. As he moved to L.A with his friends and closest family, he still needed the escape of drugs which was becoming more hard to get.

As the months flew by, the boy would often use the excuse 'I'm going to the rink.' which wasn't a lie. He was going to the rink ... after he had got his fix of his favourite pills. Whilst taking the pills and skating on the ice, he felt like nothing could bring him down.

He had briefly escaped the man, or his Father, by changing his phone, but still that wasn't enough to stop him from getting contact with the boy in more ways. His life was becoming like it was, and nothing could stop it.

As the picture faded to black, my eyes opened widely. 'So?' my Mom cried, trying to fight back the tears in her eyes. I sighed. I knew this is when things was going to get difficult.

* * *

><p><strong>So what do you think?<strong>  
><strong>What do you think about Kendall's dad eh?<strong>  
><strong>Give me all of your views in a review!<strong>  
><strong>(I love you all for reading this far!) <strong>


	14. Chapter 14

Months passed. Everything wasn't the same as it was when I first arrived at the palm woods.

I grabbed my suitcase & walked out the rental van my Mom had bought when first arriving in L.A . As I sat in the car, staring blankly out of the window, I knew this was the start. I waved goodbye out of the opaque glass to my smiling friends who was trying to put on a brave face and trying to mask their sadness like I had been masking my pain for years.

As the car rolled out of the palm woods parking lot, a tear spilled down my cheeks. Whilst still driving, my Mom looked over at me and smiled with tears ready to ooze out of her eyes. 'Don't cry, Sweetie.' she soothed my pain with her calm, relaxed tone 'things are looking up from here.' she reassured, focusing on the world ahead.

I stared back out at the window to my right, looking at the world as it slowly became lighter, as did the weight which was dropped on my shoulders.

* * *

><p><strong>To everyone who read this story,<strong>  
><strong>Thank you so much. I've literally just hit 200 hits on this story, &amp; I couldn't be more proud to be a rusher!<strong>  
><strong>As I said in the last chapter, this is not the end! I have a few ideas up my sleeve for the follow up story 'Don't ever look back' which will be coming to a screen near you within the next ...day or so!:D<strong>  
><strong>SO LOOK OUT FOR IT!<strong>  
><strong>I'm really sad that this story is over, but all good things come to an end ...<strong>  
><strong>AhhLii x<strong>


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